We can’t keep our eyes off that fatty, daddy, we want you, Bey!
Beyoncé’s butt, with a little help from Beyoncé, opened the 56th annual Grammy Awards with “Drunk in Love” last night and here’s how it all unraveled.
1. Mere milliseconds into the show’s opening, we were already transfixed by Bey’s sitting butt, cast in strobe lights and swirling smoke.
2. Look at it.
3. Aren’t you mesmerized?
Let me sit this aaaaaassssssssss on ya?
4. Then she began to spin around.
5. And so did our heads as they flew off our necks, trying to follow dat butt.
6. Then her butt began to sing.
7. It looked amazing hidden in the shadows.
8. It looked fierce when she coiled up…
9. …and arched back.
10. It looked incredible upside down.
11. Eventually her butt rose off the luckiest chair in the world.
12. Until it was literally about to float away.
13. Even when you couldn’t see her butt, it stole the whole show.
14. Afterwards, her butt summoned her husband’s butt to join her butt onstage.
15. They looked pretty happy.
16. That’s when his hand performed a duet with Bey’s behind.
17. They dipped their butts in perfect unity.
18. And she put her butt up against his butt and they bumped butts.
19. The show was over and so was her butt.
20. Jay didn’t want to let it go and neither did we.
It was a good, good show.