Report: Ashton Kutcher Moves Out

October 5, 2011 By:
Report: Ashton Kutcher Moves Out

Good thing he's got that massive Two and a Half Men trailer.

The rumors of Ashton Kutcher's split with Demi Moore have been gaining momentum, especially with photos of his hot tub slut-apalooza revealed this morning. Now, Life & Style is reporting that Ashton has moved out of the couple's home.

But there seems to be more to the story than just Ashton being a cheating scumbag. At least, that's what a family friend is suggesting. Although, there's a good chance this family friend is Ashton Kutcher doing an impression of someone that isn't him.

Anyway, according to the friend, Demi has taken on some dangerous habits of her past, and Ashton has been urging her to get help for a while. He finally made the decision to move out in early September.

"Demi had been sober for a long time -- decades -- but recently it's gotten bad," the insider reveals. "Ashton loves her, but he can't stick around and watch her do this to herself."

Of course. The best way to get your wife to sober up is to have sex with a 23 year-old and hang out with a bunch of naked party girls in a hot tub. Dr. Drew should try out this method on Celebrity Rehab. They should also add it to the schedule at the Betty Ford Clinic.

A rep for Demi denies the report. But the insider insists that Ashton is taking a tough-love approach.

DEMI: I just can't stop doing these drugs.

ASHTON: Well, then. I'm going to have to have sex with younger women. Trust me, this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. *sprays on cologne and grabs a bottle of KY *

"Her daughters, Scout, Rumer and Tallulah, and her ex-husband Bruce Willis want her to be healthy," continues the family friend. "The whole family is taking a stand to help Demi."

Yes, I'm sure they're all having sex with other people to save their mom and ex-wife.

"He may have fooled around with this girl, but his wife is his priority," the family friend continues. "Ashton's trying to deal with Demi's problems."

Back in the early 80s, Demi had a problem with substance abuse. She had a brief stint in rehab while shooting St. Elmo's Fire. Still no official statement from either of their reps, but I'm guessing we'll hear something soon. At least another stupid Tweet.