Best of Twitter 5.13.11

 Image by wenn.com

From Maria and Arnold’s divorce to Ashton Kutcher replacing Charlie Sheen—here’s what celebs had to tweet this week:

@PSchwarzenegger: “Appreciate all your messages. Small speed bump in life, luckily we own hummers, we will cruise right over it. All will be okay. #peace”

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s son addresses his parents’ divorce. Hummers? Bad for the environment, but apparently good for the soul.

@aplusk: “What’s the square root of 6.25?” Come on, Ashton. Was it really necessary to make us all break out calculators to announce you were on Two and a Half Men?

Alternatively, Kutcher could’ve used the riddle: “how many decent movies have I made throughout my career?”

@JoyVBehar: “May is National Masturbation Month. Not that I need to tell you.”

Think twice when you shake someone’s hand in May. This is also great news for Donald Trump, because he can take a break from Melania and have sex with someone he’s even more attracted to.

@Johnstamos: “surveying the alabama tornado damage in Huntsville with the beach boys today #heartbreaking”

Kudos to Stamos and the Beach Boys, but tagging the word “heartbreaking” is a little detached to me. #sorryforyourloss.

@adamlambert: “Started watching the Voice finally. What an awesome show!”

Everyone’s talking about The Voice being competition for Idol, but I don’t think they have anything to worry about. I mean, they have a glamorous, long-haired diva with great makeup—Steven Tyler. J.Lo’s not too shabby, either.