Ashton Kutcher is going to have it pretty easy. Basically, just show up for work and try not to overdose.
”I can't wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers' homes," said Kutcher.
"I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people!"
Even before Sheen’s official firing, Warner Bros. and CBS were reportedly in talks with several A-list actors. Here’s a list of who’s been rumored to replace Charlie Sheen, and what they might bring to the show:
Ashton Kutcher: Last night, after rumors abounded about Kelso starring in Two and a Half Men, Ashton Kutcher basically confirmed it when he tweeted: “What’s the square root of 6.25?”
No, it wasn’t just a really coincidental math question. The answer is: 2.5! So now the only question is, how will they incorporate Ashton Kutcher into the show? Our guess is he’d play the typical hot-but-no-bright meathead we all know and love.
Well, I guess there’s also the possibility of turning Two and a Half Men into a prank show.
John Stamos: After rumors of John Stamos being a possible replacement, Charlie Sheen said: “He doesn’t have what I have and the show sucks if he’s on it.”
Well, there you have it. It’s that simple. Charlie Sheen’s motto is basically, “if I don’t like it, it sucks”, then he sticks out his bottom lip, crosses his arms in a huff and goes and sits in a corner.
Stamos is nearly a regular on Glee, and he says of starring in Men: ”It’s not part of my career plan right now.”
Still, we can’t help but wonder if he were to take over, what kind of character would he have played? Stamos doesn’t really have the whole “playboy” vibe, so I’m guessing the show could’ve gone something like this:
Charlie knocks up one of the ditzy girls he sleeps with, leaves the country to retire in Tijuana, and the girl and her father—played by John Stamos—interrogate Alan, who out of fear and loneliness, decides to allow her to move in as his common-law wife. He bizarrely helps to raise Charlie’s baby, and must deal with his new, over bearing father-in-law. Boom. Season nine is done.
Hugh Grant: This week, Hugh Grant was reportedly “deep into negotiations” to replace Charlie Sheen on Men, but he pulled out at the last minute due to “creative differences.”
Hugh Grant is adorable, but I’m pretty sure CBS/Warner Bros. approached him based solely on the fact that he’s had run-ins with hookers, and that’s very Charlie Harper.
Grant hasn’t been in anything since 2009, and this could’ve been a great role for him: Charlie Harper has had sex with every woman in Malibu, and because he’s such a player, none of them want to have sex with him again.
It’s quite the quandary for Charlie, so he decides to get a face transplant to render himself unrecognizable. He adopts a British accent. People keep telling him he looks like Hugh Grant and he goes back to getting laid a lot. It’s a little far-fetched, but I really don’t see any other option.
Rob Lowe: This was probably the most unrealistic rumor, because Lowe is currently in a multiyear contract with Parks and Recreation. Executive Producer Michael Schur said of the rumors,
“The Internet lit a match and set itself on fire.”
But just for fun, what role could Lowe have played? I’m thinking Charlie Harper overdoses and dies (hehe), and leaves his Malibu home to childhood friend Rob Lowe. Alan is pissed, and Lowe is just as much of a partier as Sheen. Smooth transition, and it would support the fact that Lowe and Sheen used to go head to head to see who could party harder.
Chuck Lorre is pleased with Kutcher replacing Sheen, saying, “We are so lucky to have someone as talented, joyful and just plain remarkable as Ashton joining our family. Added to that is the deep sigh of relief knowing that our family stays together. If I was any happier, it'd be illegal.”
So a big congrats to Ashton Kutcher. We can’t wait to see the character he plays on Two and a Half Men.