Ashton Kutcher Indirectly Addresses Cheating Rumors In Video

October 21, 2011 By:
Ashton Kutcher Indirectly Addresses Cheating Rumors In Video

In an effort to distract us from his sexcapade by using big words and abstractions, Ashton Kutcher has left a longwinded video on Chime.In, and the subject is the media.

We had a to have a pretentiousness expert come in the office to translate, but Ashton’s bottom-line opinion in the video is that the media is bad and full of lies.

“I just wanted to open up a little dialogue on the state of honesty,” Kutcher says, in all his bearded long-haired glory. “The state of truth. The status of truth as it pertains to literature and media… Publishers (once) held great scrutiny over what they were willing to print because their reputation was on the line. When the cost structure comes down on printing… the level of honesty of literature starts to plummet."

Really? You’re trying to blame your whole problem on newspapers not being popular anymore? Okay, I’ll let you finish.

“I started thinking about that in relation to media and social media today where the threshold to actually have literature printed and distributed… is zero dollars… thereby there is no gatekeeper of the truth…”

Okay, the truth is, we don’t yet know 100% what the truth is. No one is confirming anything. But there’s obviously some truth to Ashton’s cheating rumors, otherwise, I doubt he would be producing a video on it that’s embarrassingly reminiscent of “Sheen’s Korner.”

But it doesn’t end there. Kutcher continues:

“We are our own editors, we are our own publishers and we are our own printers. Therefore, people can bastardize the truth in any way, shape or form that they want and spread that around the world… A lie can travel halfway around the world before the truth can leave someone’s lips. I was thinking that we really have to take it upon ourselves to instill a level of honesty... in the works in the media that we create and share with one another... and be certain that we are doing our own diligence that what we are saying is for the benefit of another.”

That’s an awful lot of words to just say, “Stop talking about the chicks I had sex with.”

There’s nothing more annoying than someone addressing something so incredibly superficial with the enthusiasm of a deep, philosophical observation. You banged a girl in San Diego and now she’s outing you. This ain’t Watergate.